A Certain Metaphorical Anime... and About Me

A Certain Scientific Railgun is over, but its presence and metaphors will always stay with me. It's much better now since most people have finished the show too, so perhaps I won't create too much spoiler in this post. If you haven't given Railgun a go, I hope that I can give you a good reason to watch it, and I hope I won't spoil it too much for you ^^;

This is a follow up to my older post when Railgun reached its midway. After I watched that batch of episodes I gave Railgun a quick break and when I continued it, I was barraged with so many lines of thoughts that I need to address it. For a long time I couldn't put my thoughts into words, not even right now, but they are important to me so I'm going to try.

By the way, all subtitles in the screenshots are relevant, that they add and support my own writing.

But first the basics... Ruiko Saten, in the picture above, is the only one without an ability in the group of 4 friends that have abilities. No matter how she tried, she can't attain any ability. With the Level Upper, a tool that increases people's abilities and levels, Ruiko finally attained some kind of ability... but at what price? The others who used this lost their consciousness.


I also feel that I don't have any abilities because I lack focus and a goal/dream. No matter what I think, I still don't know where I'm going. Having that ability feels like it would give me something to look forward to. What I do have is interest in a lot of things, but because I am interested in many things I can't put my focus on just one thing. So I'm just floundering around not ever sure where I'm going and living life day-by-day, unable to see what's ahead of me.

This is Kazari Uiharu's response to Ruiko's despaired phone call... That's all that I can do. I can help people, though sometimes I feel it is a bother because I thought it as something simple. I want to be more helpful without having to feel that way. If I can't have my focus/ability then at least I can help others to see their focus and help them when they are in need. I can only try to help, but at some point I ought to help myself to find mine. For the moment I'll do only what I can.

That is how I'm living now. Being myself mean being surrounded by anime and everything that comes along with it. Even though I lack focus and goals in life, at least I focus on what makes me who I am. I wrote this along a similar line of thought when I was reading Yi's post: "To me I have to be myself and that is to be an anime fan no matter where I go. Live it no matter what others say; from one end of the spectrum to the other end." If I can't watch anime, then I'd surround myself with it and take it wherever I go.

This is a metaphor of what the antagonist, Kiyama Harumi, is trying to do in Academy City. She is basically trying to create a more powerful network using people: "Computers don't improve their performance through software. However, connecting to a network is a different matter. The performance of the individual units won't increase. However, if you connect many computers in parallel, you can increase their overall processing power."

This is the main reason why I want to write this... Having a network of people who is following it definitely increases the power of that group. Recently two "networks" with their own following suddenly came into conflict, I will not name these networks because I'm sure a lot of people know what I'm talking about. Network 1 claims are that of an otaku and lead a great number of followers who are loyal to that network. This network doesn't attack people, discourages any attacks and penalize any who would attack. Whereas Network A disproves of Network 1 and attacks anyone else they don't approve of. Some of its supporters also do the same, attacking others that weren't approved by Network A. The thing is, both networks have good points. Network 1 tries to change the word "otaku" and its external views. Whereas Network A wants the pure word to be kept as is, and anyone who "corrupts" it don't deserve it.

I am a neutralist. I want to look both sides of the story. Both networks have valid points, but also unfavourable sides... It does become difficult to be neutral when I get attacked unfortunately, so I cannot approve of Network A. The problem is that their method does not make the change they want. Or do they even care? Perhaps they just want to attack people they dislike? For me, if you're a bunch of strangers and wanting to correct me and change my ways, you'd be in a better luck if you ask me sincerely. I am stubborn and hard to change, but be diplomatic then even the hard-headed me will soften. I am willing to change, but when you do nothing but attacking, that will be quite a challenge to change me, isn't it?

The people wanting to increase their ability or wanting an ability caused them to unintentionally follow/join the network of abilities created by Kiyama Harumi. This network went out of control and gave birth to an evil fetus... Showing us a great view of Misaka's knee pits in the process.

I don't follow fashion or trends. I made this blog wanting to post things that are different than what other people have done. It's my way to be unique. I find myself to be boring, so I prefer to do something different on this blog and on the net to balance out myself. My internet persona and my real life persona is similar in that I don't want to piss off anybody and I try not to upset anyone, at least not intentionally.

The fact that Network A wants to make a change by upsetting everyone they disapprove does not bode well for me. It created some hateful feelings toward those they don't approve. It also created feelings of dissent towards (and maybe among?) people of Network 1. Though perhaps those feelings were already there, they just weren't out in the open. My suggestion, and exactly what I'm doing, is not following either of the philosophy, especially the ones where you attack other people. You can disagree with each other without causing too much malice.

Misaka who is a level 5, the highest level of ability that can be attained, always thought that levels do not matter... But perhaps it may not be as simple as that, "I might be a Level Five, but I'm no good with stuff like this... If there's a hurdle in my path, I feel like I have to clear it. I'm only Level Five because of my personality. I've never seen this as something special, really. But there are people out there who freeze in front of that hurdle. I never realized this. I kept claiming that level didn't matter."

I'm nowhere near level 5, but I am as modest as Misaka can be. I do try to use what abilities I have to help others as she has done, but I do urge people to overcome that hurdle that's in their path on their own as well. When I was showing my room, I hesitated a little. I didn't want to show it off whatsoever. When I did, I was very embarrassed because of how messy and cluttered it was, however, I did receive other comments that were complimentary. For me compliments always surprises me. Whenever I start a personal project, I am hyped up, but along the way I always feel that I messed it up and felt that it's not turning out the way I hoped. Then in the end, I just post it and see what I get. Compliments do stroke some of my ego, so sometimes I try to downplay them so that it doesn't go over my head.

The fact is the word "otaku" doesn't matter. Maybe I should've realized this when I started using the word. It was about two years ago that I felt that using the word "otaku" finally explained what I've gotten into. Before that, I didn't like the word at all because of its negative connotations... Some people do try to bring it into a brighter light and a lot of people in this side of the Pacific glorified it. In the end, it seems as if it's still perceived as something negative in Japan. I was happy before in just using the word "maniac" which was one level below "otaku", but I know I'm beyond that. I'm pretty sure a stranger would easily call me "otaku" and I may not hate it anymore, but perhaps I don't need it. I only live this way because it's My Way of Life, and I can't live it any other way. Therefore, the Life of an Otaku tag in my posts will change. Perhaps what Network A had said about me is changing that causing me to have a defeatist attitude or perhaps I'm just living my way the way I want it without having to a concern for that title. See... I'm always the neutralist =P

In the end, Kiyama Harumi's intentions were meant well, it was the methods that do not bode well with our protagonist, Misaka, and others who defends the victims of her methods.

I am not Misaka that I can't always defend the victims... I have my own hurdles that I need to overcome first. My words and thoughts aren't as clear and may lack some convictions, so there is only so much I can say. Obviously when there's an attack one tries to defend, right? Defending is the best I can do, but in my own way. Perhaps that is my goal one day... To be more like Misaka who hurls herself into trouble and always finding a way to overcome the hurdle ahead of her...

I apologize if I sound pretentious or preachy in this post... Lastly I leave you one of the most inspirational speeches from Railgun.

I hope to follow these instructions as well as I live my way of life...